Running In Circles
by Pint of Stella
Summary: For 15 years, James Potter has been hiding away in the muggle world as part of a deal he made with another wizard. But when he tries to go back, no one believes the truth; save for a certain Potions Master who isn’t keen on helping at all.
1. Out Of Hiding

**Running In Circles**

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_James Potter was dead. Caradoc Dearborn's body was missing._  
They had never been friends, only members of the Order. But after the unveiling of the prophecy, they both became part of a desperate plan; one that would change the future and deceive the world.

* * *

**I. Out of Hiding**

_June 30th, 1996_

The streets below were dark, save for the orange lights that were few and far between.The evening fog had already begun to rise from the Thames, condensing on the window panes and floating on the chill air that soaked into the older buildings. It was a night he would always remember. He turned away from the window, drawing up the curtains to keep out the cold.

"And he's dead?"

"Yes."

The flames twittered, scattering their shadows on the wall. He had forced the question from himself. For heaven's sake, he knew this was coming. The recurring nightmares had been haunting him for years.

"You are certain?" He tried to keep his expression unreadable.

"Quite."

"And Harry?"

"Back at Hogwarts."

He felt himself frown. "Where he should be." He strode to the fireplace and glanced down at Caradoc. "It's nice to see him kept there every so often."

"There's no need to be angry with me."

"No need. Only will."

Caradoc scowled. "You tend to be angry, don't you?"

"You should have learned that from me by now."

Unwilling to pursue the argument, Caradoc sighed. He could never win a battle against this man. "Well then, have it your way. I've said all I have to say."

The man's reply was blunt. "Indeed."

"I'll leave you to grieve, then."

"How thoughtful."

After a slight hesitation, Caradoc's head disappear with a pop.

Turning away, the man strode to the decanter, pouring himself a glass of hot liquid. The steam swirled up violently before disappearing into the air.

_He was dead. _

He re-corked the bottle and slowly lifted his glass. His hands trembled. Scowling and clenching his teeth, he tried to control them.

_Dead._

Some mistakes were irreversible. No amount of strength, no amount of effort, no amount of grief could bring back someone who had died. Wearily, he sat down in his chair. He knew that. For heaven's sake, he should be used to it by now.

He sipped carefully and watched the steam re-kindle itself briefly. Every time something like this happened, he felt the same. He felt overwhelmed. Overshadowed. Buried helplessly in his own guilt.

He sipped again, wincing as the hot liquid scourged his tongue.

God, he was guilty. Guilty for everything. For not doing anything when people needed him, for not protecting his friends, for not protecting protecting his family-

Nothing to be done anymore, he told himself. Only the horrible task of waiting. His grip around the cup tightened as he thought of what he could have done if only he had been there.

The shadows flickered over his face as frustration pounded against his chest. He sipped violently, clenching his teeth in anger while letting the liquid burn his throat.

Caradoc said he would let him grieve. But what was grief like to him anymore? He was always grieving. It was monotonous - a ritual of his daily life. He had been grieving for fifteen long years.

Except now it was for Sirius.

All of a sudden, he was overcome by exhaustion, feeling embarrassingly weak.

_Too far_, he thought.

Abruptly, he stood up, spilling some of the liquid on his hand. He cursed and set the glass down on beside the decanter. Reaching for his cloak, he wrapped it tightly around himself and tucked his fingers firmly around his walking stick.

Quickly, he strode out of the room. It was about time he needed to speak with Caradoc in person. He must be heard this time. He WOULD be heard. He impatiently descended the dark stairwell and pulled open the door.

Caradoc would have no choice but to listen to him. He would make sure of it.

_Too far. He had let it go too far._

As he stepped onto the street, he brought the hood of his cloak up to shield his face.

_All right, Sirius._ He thought desperately. _I'm going to come out now._

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**Disclaimer:** (_twitters about nervously)_ I...err...don't own anything... 


	2. Friends

**Running In Circles**

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**Thank you to all my rewiewers! You're great! **_(throws confetti)_

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Disclaimer:** I don't own anyone. Not even Caradoc…J.K. Rowling made him up too. **_(OotP, pg. 158)_

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**II. Friends**

_March 20, 1981_

_The first time James had ever spoken to Caradoc Dearborn was sometime in March, two years after he had graduated. It was during the second Order meeting that year, and Alastor Moody had hurriedly introduced the two before pulling James outside to keep guard over the front entrance.  
_

_After his shift had ended, James had come back inside to find Caradoc frowning up at a map that had red tags showing the various locations of Death Eaters. Eager to find Lily and Sirius, James hung up his clock at headed straight for the hall._

"_About a million red marks around Edinburgh."_

_James looked up uncertainly, unsure whom Caradoc was speaking to._

"_Come here, Potter. Look at this."_

_Startled, James approached._

_Caradoc gave him a tight smile and gestured towards the map again. "See all those red tags near Edinburgh?"_

"_Yeah." James cast an anxious glance at the doors to the hall, where there was a distant roar of laughter. Dumbledore must be in there, he thought. Recent displays of Albus shooting out fireworks and candies made everyone grin like mad. It was all the older man could do to keep their hopes up during such a long war._

"_It's pathetic really. Do you know who is in Edinburgh?" asked Caradoc, interrupting James' thoughts._

_He frowned thoughtfully, but he wasn't exactly thinking. "No actually."_

_Caradoc smirked, looking rather pleased with himself. "Cornelius Fudge. It's where the Minister of Magic is hiding." He waved his wand and several Edinburgh tags fluttered to the ground. He turned to James and peered at him. "He's trying to use the order for extra protection."_

_James didn't reply._

_Turning away, Caradoc gathered up his cloak around his shoulders. It was an old blue knit one, slowly unravelling at the edges._

_Anxious to join Lily and Sirius, James hesitantly continued towards the Hall. _

"_How is your son?"_

_James stopped in his tracks, a cold chill running through his blood. He immediately clenched his fists and scowled, growing suspicious. No one talked about children these days – they found it frightening. "Why do you ask?" He replied._

_Caradoc shrugged. "Merely a question." Drawing his wand out, he walked out of the door without another word._

_Of course, later that night Dumbledore revealed the prophecy. As Frank and Alice embraced in grief, and as Lily trembled and grew pale, James' thoughts were completely bent towards Caradoc. _

_Something just wasn't right._

_

* * *

_

_June 30, 1996_

He knocked loudly, as the cold wind was beginning to sting his eyes.

Warily, the door opened, revealing a stout, frightened looking woman. Her fear vanished quickly however, when she saw him. "Oh! It's you! Come, come in."

"I need to talk with William." He muttered bitterly. His face felt numb from the cold.

"Oh sure, sure. Have a seat, have a seat." She twittered continuously as she hurried down the hall to find her husband.

He looked enquiringly around the entrance hall. He knew the wide staircase that was in front of him lead to another family on the second floor. The lights were all dimmed or put out, and he suddenly realized how late it must have been. Sighing, he rubbed his hands and made his way to the fireplace, holding them over the luminous flames.

"James?"

He briskly turned around. Caradoc was walking towards him, looking as his he had been asleep, with his hair mussed and his gait unsteady.

Obviously, the man hadn't realized his mistake.

"You look well - _Caradoc_."

The man's eyes suddenly grew wide in shock. "Hush!" Caradoc hissed. "Not here, not-" He collapsed into an arm chair by the fireplace. "Not ever." He rubbed his face, trying to bring back his alertness. "That's not my name…anymore."

James took the seat opposite him. "But you called me James."

Caradoc sighed gravely. "Yes…yes. I'm sorry. Old habit, I know." He paused, rubbing his eyes as they attempted to close on him. "What – what brings you here then?" He asked.

James hesitated as the rush of regret and anger returned. _He was dead._

"Sirius."

Caradoc froze.

James sighed and stood up. "Caradoc - _William_ - this plan…this…game." He moved slowly back towards the fire. "I think...I think everything's gotten too far. I can't live like this anymore." He paused, aware that Caradoc grew tense. "I can't hide _forever_."

Caradoc looked up at him, anger flashing briefly in his eyes. "What else do you want to tell me?"

James paused, and closed his eyes. He felt so sure of himself before, but now, standing here, the words in his head sounded foolish. He was angry about Sirius' death, sure. But Caradoc had sacrificed a whole lot to keep him hidden and alive…

"What do you want to tell me _James_?" Caradoc's voice was daunting, threatening.

James clenched his teeth. As hopeless as he felt, he turned back towards Caradoc, staring down at him.

"Harry needs me."

Caradoc stood up suddenly, which was surprising because he looked so exhausted moments before. "No he does not. We had a deal James. You can't just back out whenever you want to."

"Harry has no one else. He needs -"

"What? What does he need?"

"He needs -" Immediately, James realized how stupid his argument was. "He needs to be protected."

"Merlin!" Caradoc threw his hands up in the air. "Did you HONESTLY just say that?"

James looked away. "I…"

"Good Lord!" Caradoc's voice became suddenly low as someone moved in the next room. "What's happened to you James! What happened to SENSE!"

James frowned at his hands. "I…"

"Protection? What do you think you're offering your son by pretending that you're DEAD? Free lemon drops?"

James remained silent. Caradoc was right. All this hiding; it all had been for Harry. For fifteen years, they had been completely hidden from the entire Wizarding world. Meaning they were able to watch over everyone – Harry, especially.

But Sirius.

"Your son could be dead, you remember."

After a moment, James slowly nodded.

_Why did he feel so helpless? He was a marauder! He should have been able to put up more of an argument than this. For heaven's sake! He should've walked up and hit Caradoc square in the face._

Oh, but he couldn't. Not anymore.

He couldn't just throw away fifteen years of desperate strategy – just because he suddenly got cold feet. _No he wouldn't._ He would stand his ground and follow the plan. As long as he remained invisible, he would watch Harry from a distance, and Caradoc would make sure his son would grow up safe and protected.

Watching his son grow up from a distance.

Secretly, James began to question his sanity.


	3. Avoiding Enemies

**Running In Circles**

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AN: Sorry for taking so long! _(trembles under stares)_ Someone asked about Lily, and yes, I admit, I'm going to keep her out of the story for a bit. Don't worry, you'll find out about her in the later chapters. And a head's up - Snape's finally in this one.  
To all my reviewers: Strawberry Sorbet! _(hands out spoons)_ I love you guys!

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**III. Meetings**

_James seriously began to question his sanity_.

Caradoc's words had been spinning around his mind all day, making it nearly impossible for him to file anything in their correct categories. His boss - after spotting him sort a "Mikhailovich" file under the letter "T" – sent him home early with a brief reprimanding.

Trying to forget his pathetic life as a working class muggle, he turned his thoughts towards Harry, wondering if he was all right.

He should really stop worrying. The tragic death of his best friend was no reason for him to become a nervous wreck.

Immediately, he went back to questioning his sanity.

But honestly now, what could he do? He could only trust Caradoc's word that his son was being protected, and it's not like he knew where Harry lived during the summer months anyways.

Sighing heavily, James rested his head against the plastic window of the underground tube. The dark grey walls slid past and the wheels jostled noisily along the rails. The one thing about being a muggle, was that it included daily, peaceful rides home on the tube where no one bothered him. The rides were rather long, mind you. But if he focused really hard, and watched everything rushing past, it was almost like riding out in the sky.

James shut his eyes. God, did he miss quidditch.

* * *

Severus Snape walked hurriedly down the street, cursing quietly as a large family of muggles walked into his path. Stopping briefly, he cast a nervous glance over his shoulder, trying to decipher if a particular blond-haired wizard was following him.

He never did enjoy run-ins with Lucius Malfoy.

And he especially wouldn't enjoy one this week, thank you very much. Recently, there had been numerous Death Eater raids that he made every effort not to attend. His sole explanation was that Dumbledore had kept him occupied at Hogwarts, and that the old man would grow suspicious if he were to suddenly disappear. Of course, it wasn't an excuse that would work if Malfoy found him shopping casually at the Apothecary for various potions ingredients.

Which, he reminded himself, he would always order for by owl from now on.

Continuing his mad getaway, and earning several glances from reproachful muggles, Snape darted ahead. There was still a chance that Lucius hadn't seen him, and he desperately hoped that was the case. Otherwise, he'd have to think of an utterly brilliant reason for his attempt to flee from a fellow Death Eater.

Perhaps he could say it had something to do with Dumbledore again.

He glanced behind again, and, seeing no one, he slowed to a normal pace. He probably looked like a criminal, glancing back like that while running away. Taking a deep breath, he stopped walking and removed his hand from his side where he had been desperately clutching his wand.

Warily, he took in his surroundings and realized he must have run several blocks away from Diagon Alley. After all those turns he made, it would be a miracle to find his way back.

Not that he wanted to go back, of course. He wasn't an idiot.

Frowning thoughtfully, he noticed a crowd of muggles sauntering down a set of stairs to his right while chatting animatedly amongst each other. Probably one of their train stations, he mused. Deciding that he should find a place to apparate back to Hogwarts, he followed them down the steps, trying to become lost in the crowd.

A rush of noise mounted as the next tube came to a halt.

* * *

James lifted a hand and massaged the back of his neck. For summer, the weather was stifling. He longed to change out of his suit, but just settled in loosening his tie. Opening his eyes, he found the tube slowing to a halt and a sign saying PIMLICO coming into view.

Six more stops.

He frowned in disgust. Idiot muggles. Couldn't make the tubes any faster could they?

He watched as two blundering business men made their way towards the opening doors. They were waving tiny, electrical fans into their faces, laughing heartily at some joke or another. The shorter one stepped onto the tube first, waving his friend to a pair of seats by the window.

James scowled to himself, feeling a pang of jealousy. He missed Remus too.

He turned his attention back to the boarding crowd. He spotted a mother with a hysterical toddler, who seemed unsure whether to get on the tube or not, a man with hideously greasy hair, and an extremely attractive girl talking loudly into her cell phone.

James grinned to himself. He remembered a Slytherin kid with hideously greasy hair whom he used to tease back in school. Merlin, Sirius used to just laugh himself silly making fun of him.

_Snivellus._

Yeah, that was it. Severin Snape. No…_Severus_… or whatever. Poor kid.

Actually, that reminded him of something he read in the Daily Prophet. James had heard a while back that a 'Professor Snape' had been recruited into Hogwarts.

Well if it was Severin …_Severus_…he must have been hired to teach Divination or some other piece of rubbish. He had never been actually good at anything.

The doors to the tube slid shut.

It hurt how much he missed his old days in Hogwarts. Of course, now his own son was that age, and he was probably on the quidditch team as chaser or something.

_Hogwarts._

James frowned and glanced back at the greasy-haired man out on the platform, who was walking oddly about; almost as if he was looking for something.

James squinted.

Black hair...hooked nose…

_Hogwarts._

James blinked. It had been fifteen years since he went into hiding. He was probably just seeing things. That couldn't be Severin. _Severus_. Besides, it wasn't like he was desperate enough to approach (who could be) a total stranger just to find out where Harry was spending the summer.

Plus, it wasn't like James was _that_ desperate for any possible contact from the Wizarding world.

Other than Caradoc Dearborn, of course.

The man was scowling, and began to turn on his heel back towards the stairway.

Was he?

_Harry._

Before the train could kick into motion, James had already forced open the doors and was sprinting frantically across the platform.

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_Review! I need to be encouraged:D Hope you enjoyed it._


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